12 Ways I Think My Marriage Will Be Even Better in My Thirties
5 Reasons Why I Hesitated to Take My Husbands Last Name
I Am Not the 60 Percent: On Not Letting the Second Divorce Statistic Become Your Statistic
A Characteristic I Am Thankful My Spouse Has
12 Sweet and Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse Gratitude
7 Reasons You Should Say Yes to a Quickie (aka a short date!) With Your Spouse
10 of the Most Disgusting Things I Do for Love
Were You Disappointed by the Way Your Spouse Proposed?
Sweetest Day Is Coming: 5 Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse You Care
10 Things Every Married Person Should Know About Their Spouse
10 Dating Do's and Don'ts We Can Steal from the Disney Princesses
5 Fun and Frightful Ideas for a Spooky Date Night
Survey Reveals the Most Difficult Year of Marriage
How Love Is Like the Seasons
We talked some more. He ultimately said, "Look, are you totally satisfied with the sex we're having?"
"I mean …" I said. "It's not the most intense sex I've ever had, but it'll keep getting better."
"I think we should just be friends," he said.
"… Okay," I said. "Um. Is there anything else you want to talk about?"
Mr. Ambition seemed agitated. He seemed barely able to hold still. "I've never dated anyone that I respected like I respect you," he said. "Your charisma, your intelligence, your morality. But … I don't know. I don't feel like we're very authentic with each other. I don't feel like there's much warmth between us."
Maybe you're right, I thought. But either way, it's too late now. "Okay," I said. I thought for a moment. "I'm sorry," I added. "I really wanted this to work out." For a moment, tears startled my eyes, but I blinked them back.
"Are you all right?" he asked. He leaned forward. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
I looked at him and tried to think. I knew I was going to be very upset in maybe fifteen minutes. He seemed hurt, and I wanted to say something that would comfort him. I wondered if he wanted me to cry, and beg, and create drama; I wouldn't do that … but maybe it would help if I asked for something simple.
But I couldn't come up with anything, and I wanted to leave. So after a pause, I said, "You can let me go home and cry."
I said it as gently as I could. But Mr. Ambition seemed terribly distressed. "Ohhh," he said, and screwed up his face. He leapt to his feet. "I'm sorry," he said.
"It's okay," I said. "Is there anything else?"
"Sometimes I think men just aren't capable of the kind of commitment women are," Mr. Ambition said. He sounded defensive, even though I hadn't made any accusations. "Then again, you're not like most women. … You're kind of a hardass. You probably have this problem with a lot of the men you date, where you come across as kind of a hardass. … And to be honest, I don't think men really want to date women as smart as they are."
Jesus, I thought, you already broke up with me, can't you just let me go? Why do you have to rip into me like this? I wondered how much of what he was saying was about me, and how much was him trying to make sense of his own feelings. But even though I felt sure that he was confused, his words sent an icy spike straight through me. "I don't think men really want to date women as smart as they are …."
5 Reasons Why I Hesitated to Take My Husbands Last Name
I Am Not the 60 Percent: On Not Letting the Second Divorce Statistic Become Your Statistic
A Characteristic I Am Thankful My Spouse Has
12 Sweet and Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse Gratitude
7 Reasons You Should Say Yes to a Quickie (aka a short date!) With Your Spouse
10 of the Most Disgusting Things I Do for Love
Were You Disappointed by the Way Your Spouse Proposed?
Sweetest Day Is Coming: 5 Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse You Care
10 Things Every Married Person Should Know About Their Spouse
10 Dating Do's and Don'ts We Can Steal from the Disney Princesses
5 Fun and Frightful Ideas for a Spooky Date Night
Survey Reveals the Most Difficult Year of Marriage
How Love Is Like the Seasons
We talked some more. He ultimately said, "Look, are you totally satisfied with the sex we're having?"
"I mean …" I said. "It's not the most intense sex I've ever had, but it'll keep getting better."
"I think we should just be friends," he said.
"… Okay," I said. "Um. Is there anything else you want to talk about?"
Mr. Ambition seemed agitated. He seemed barely able to hold still. "I've never dated anyone that I respected like I respect you," he said. "Your charisma, your intelligence, your morality. But … I don't know. I don't feel like we're very authentic with each other. I don't feel like there's much warmth between us."
Maybe you're right, I thought. But either way, it's too late now. "Okay," I said. I thought for a moment. "I'm sorry," I added. "I really wanted this to work out." For a moment, tears startled my eyes, but I blinked them back.
"Are you all right?" he asked. He leaned forward. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
I looked at him and tried to think. I knew I was going to be very upset in maybe fifteen minutes. He seemed hurt, and I wanted to say something that would comfort him. I wondered if he wanted me to cry, and beg, and create drama; I wouldn't do that … but maybe it would help if I asked for something simple.
But I couldn't come up with anything, and I wanted to leave. So after a pause, I said, "You can let me go home and cry."
I said it as gently as I could. But Mr. Ambition seemed terribly distressed. "Ohhh," he said, and screwed up his face. He leapt to his feet. "I'm sorry," he said.
"It's okay," I said. "Is there anything else?"
"Sometimes I think men just aren't capable of the kind of commitment women are," Mr. Ambition said. He sounded defensive, even though I hadn't made any accusations. "Then again, you're not like most women. … You're kind of a hardass. You probably have this problem with a lot of the men you date, where you come across as kind of a hardass. … And to be honest, I don't think men really want to date women as smart as they are."
Jesus, I thought, you already broke up with me, can't you just let me go? Why do you have to rip into me like this? I wondered how much of what he was saying was about me, and how much was him trying to make sense of his own feelings. But even though I felt sure that he was confused, his words sent an icy spike straight through me. "I don't think men really want to date women as smart as they are …."