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UID:https://nourriciers.tierslieux.net/?BoysTalk
URL:https://nourriciers.tierslieux.net/?BoysTalk
DTSTAMP:20260812T150558Z
DTSTART:20250618T000000Z
DTEND:20220627T000000Z
CREATED:20250617T142732Z
DATE-MOD:20250617T142804Z
SUMMARY:Boys Talk
NAME:Boys Talk
DESCRIPTION:The past year I had decided to journey of dating, that I will 
 expand my curiosity and stay on my search for Mr. Handsome Wonderful . . . 
 fingers crossed. Then it dawned on me, maybe I need to try reading some 
 dating advice books; maybe there is some trick to it that I am just not 
 catching onto. I bought He’s just not that into you by Greg Behrendt, 
 Text, Love, Power. The Ultimate Girls Relationship Guide for Texting and 
 Dating in the New Millenium by Vanessa Taylor, and The Little Black Book of 
 Big Red Flags by Natasha Burton and Julie Fishman. All the titles sound 
 great and convincing with amazing tips to get on my path ready to shimmy 
 for some hot dates. Ladies, please it’s all a waste of money. The only 
 way any girl is going to get their money worth is to actually get your ass 
 out there to date and give yourself your own experiences and lessons to go 
 by. Sure, it is not all bad reading. The authors do hit great refresher 
 points to motivate, show their input from their experiences, as the reader 
 you will get a good chuckle out of it, also a reminder of other silly 
 dating scenes out there and how you are not the only one. However, unless 
 you are in that same scenario, you have the same personality and character 
 as the author, and going out with the same exact person they are referring 
 to . . . GREAT, you found your best references. The only thing is 
 realistically unless you are looking for some comical relief on how these 
 rules are developed and for the purposes to play the ‘dating game’, my 
 point relies on that every situation varies. All the lessons learned, what 
 to do it, and how to do it are all based on your personal involvement. You, 
 a great catch, seeking romance deserve your chance and all of it depends on 
 your own dating experiences and tell tales. If anyone is going to rely on 
 books to get you Mr. Wonderful, how hard you play to get, and how you act 
 towards an approach from him; are you kidding me, I might as well prepare 
 myself like I am going into a war zone in a tank top and flip flops to keep 
 up with all the guidelines, responses, and RULES to keeping him interested, 
 yeesh. If I rely on the books and experiences of other’s stories to rule 
 out my choices of candidates one, two, or three; guess what, who the hell 
 is going to be left? My personality and characteristics are not based off 
 the author’s matchmaker qualities. So get out there, ladies, and conquer 
 the long line of douche bags (they are not all bad I promise) to find your 
 Mr. Right.\n\nAdvertisement.\nLooking For Safe and Secure Dating? Try 
 Loveawake:\nAfrican Dating Ads 
 (https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/South-Africa-dating-service.h 
 tml)\n\nI figured the only way I would be able to find out for myself what 
 it is that men think, want, and look for is to conduct my own testosterone 
 survey of five well-cooperating males from different walks of life that I 
 have been associated with; whether they are a friend of mine, co-worker, 
 peer, past-dater, or ex-friend with benefits. In order for myself to 
 understand and put into perspective the males’feedback for a dating 
 woman’s sake. I mean I think have a pretty positive outlook and mentality 
 of what to do before, on, and after a date in my past. Nonetheless, let’s 
 face the facts; I’m not getting any younger here. I actually need all the 
 help I can get and afar from lala-land books advice. I’ll take a reality 
 check please.\n\nTo start it off, I selected a few questions from certain 
 points of these books after reading; spending more emphasis on my own 
 questions being involved in today’s tactics of wooing. The selected five 
 guys are all from different walks of life, ethnicity, ages, occupations, 
 relationship statuses, etc.; I wanted to make sure none of the five men had 
 any connections to one another except through yours truly by association. 
 At the end of each male interview, I also asked their personal views on 
 myself as a woman, a choice of date, person, friend, turnoffs, and good or 
 bad qualities just to keep it truthful as possible. It wasn’t the 
 opportunity for them to bash me or fill in my insecurities, I wanted to 
 know the God Honest truth what males see in me as a “potential female 
 dater”. Though, the only way I have to be realistic and get a clue about 
 situations is to talk to the boys (guy friends) for guidance. Don’t get 
 me wrong, I love my girl talks always but for once, I thought I share my 
 fellow friend’s boy talks (I swear I don’t have a penis in between my 
 legs); their views, and maybe not so much secretive, but definitely 
 valuable tips in their opinions to help a girl out. The main point is based 
 on their own dating outlook with personal feedback, lessons, and 
 advice.\n\nUnfortunately, to understand the wild chase of dating I had to 
 torture myself first by contacting what was a short lived over two years 
 ago ‘friends with benefits’. The lucky candidate for this choice is 
 Rich, all names have been changed for privacy; a thirty-six-year-old single 
 entrepreneur (if that’s what he calls it, the only thing I have seen him 
 to do is clubbing) who I met online through mutual friends. My second 
 choice was a two-dates leading into two-quickie sex session within maybe 
 forty minutes (with about a twenty-five to thirty minute breather break 
 in-between both sessions for him); soon afterwards to pull a ghost act, we 
 have up a twenty-five-year-old single business owner called John. I met 
 John working at a ladies club. Although, after he had pull the disappearing 
 act and a couple weeks later he was kind enough to answer my phone call to 
 do my interview survey; how nice of him. Shortly a week later, I called 
 John to only get a text back in return reading, ‘Sorry, he couldn’t 
 answer that he met someone and still wanted to be friends’. You’re 
 kidding me! Moving on next up we have a forty-one-year-old; recently 
 separated relationship status, just a friend, and full-time co-worker name 
 Jason. I promise you I didn’t sleep with this one or the next ones, we 
 are simply friends. Following in interview sequence, I introduce you to 
 Dan, a thirty-three-year-old single, veteran, and full-time student. Dan 
 and I met through classes we have taken together and we hung out a couple 
 times as friends. Last but not least a high school friend’s baby brother, 
 twenty-eight-year-old, government contractor and “effin single, effin 
 ready to mingle” prefers to be called G-money (G$).\n\nMy first question 
 relied on the text dating approach and how they felt asking a woman of 
 interest out via text message. If she never responded or responded very 
 little, would they actually pick up the phone to call her? According to 
 book Text, Love, Power. The Ultimate Girls Relationship Guide for Texting 
 and Dating in the New Millennium by Vanessa Taylor, “The Hard-to-get girl 
 doesn’t respond to texts and if she does, its hours later. If he asks you 
 out he better ask by Wednesday to go out Saturday or guess what you don’t 
 have a date for Saturday night.” Oh, Honey Boo-Boo Chile please! If I get 
 asked out on Thursday or even Friday before a Saturday date, I am not going 
 to be bent out of shape as long as I have a day or earlier in the day in 
 advance notice. Of course, I am busy during week and weekends a lot but if 
 I have spare time for that evening or the next; I mean why not I don’t 
 see a problem with it as long as it’s not right at the last minute, late 
 night, and obvious last choice to ask out. As human beings, whether a 
 female or male, with what I like to call ‘a life’our schedules and free 
 time varies. As a woman, I’m not going to take the extra unnecessary 
 effort of, “excuse while I refer back to my dating references rule books 
 on how to respond to this.” All five guys’responses to this question 
 were that they didn’t really care for texting too much.\n\nNow brace 
 yourself ladies for this one, Rich claim he would actually call the girl if 
 no responses and that’s only if he is indeed interested but she has to be 
 a “classy girl and dress nice.” I am guessing nothing else matters 
 besides dressing nice. Now say, chickadee is interested and the flirting is 
 heavy so now the numbers are exchanged. The woman contacts you first, 
 whether text message or a phone call, say even if you contact first and she 
 responds right away; how do you take it? Is it a sign of desperation or 
 that you see maybe she was waiting by the phone? And all I have to say to 
 Rich’s response is, “What the HELL was I thinking even for sexual 
 entertainment?” Oh well, I must have been in my vulnerability stage of 
 romance actually G-money reassured me I was. Yeah we have all been there, 
 ladies, don’t judge me. Back to the lucky winner’s answer, Rich saw it 
 as they are expressing their level of sexual interest, obviously. As he 
 chuckles, there was evidently a sexual attraction there. No, he doesn’t 
 see it as desperation; however a “classy girl” will give herself more 
 time. Okay, I’m curious to know “What is your definition of this 
 ‘classy girl.’“ Rich responds, “A classy girl is respectful girl 
 who has a stable job, dresses classy and nice, responds to him to go places 
 when he invites, she has her priorities straight, and she is probably 
 busy.” When I asked Rich about the approach of “call me,” is it 
 considered as a “magic trick” like referred in the book He’s just not 
 that into you by Greg Behrendt. Basically, is it really the lazy way to 
 trick a girl into calling you so you don’t have to put in any effort into 
 asking her out? Rich actually responded with, “It works for me EVERY 
 time! When I like a girl and I am interested, I always act as an alpha male 
 actually I am an alpha male because I’m so confident”. Just for the 
 record, my insides are ripping apart from holding in my laughter yet I am 
 trying so hard to keep my silence and composure for the questioning—me, 
 the writer. Rich continues, “I give her my number; basically the ball is 
 in her court. I will Facebook her and I won’t ever ask for her number but 
 I give her mine and tell her call me. I find out if we have any mutual 
 Facebook friends so I know how to get a hold of her”. Sounds familiar, 
 hmmm. Richie then goes into if she contacts right away or she is first to 
 text, right away she wants him sexually (I’m actually beating off tons of 
 women fighting for his body during this interview . . . ppfff) because once 
 again a “a respectable girl will give herself more time.” WTF!! Ok, so 
 I think I wasted plenty of time here and on to the next responses.\n\nJohn, 
 the twenty-five-year-old, considers himself to be more for the traditional 
 phone call to ask the girl out or in person. John’s views seem to be a 
 bit more traditional that he never expects a girl to call because most of 
 the time she won’t (thought after his disappearing ghost act like 
 Houdini, I don’t know that I could say he is traditional). If she 
 doesn’t show any effort or responds to him, John takes it she isn’t 
 interested in him and he doesn’t see it as she is playing hard to get. If 
 it takes her the next day to respond to him, John develops the 
 “whatever-tude.” He never expects the woman to contact first because he 
 feels that she won’t so he does. However, John states after exchanging 
 numbers or just responding to him, “But if she does contact first . . . 
 BOOM, it’s because she felt a physical attraction”. Otherwise, John 
 does make the effort to contact the girl to get to know, set up on a date, 
 and he does feel like that he shall give the girl a two-three day advance 
 to ask out before set date. He doesn’t see anything wrong with a last 
 minute invite for a date as a problem just simply that she has spare time 
 and so does he.\n\nSimilarity to John, Jason response was that he didn’t 
 like texting at all either. Jason was more emphasis that it is part of 
 today’s society and he just can’t stand it because there is no tone, no 
 emotions, and misunderstandings of character through messages. He feels you 
 can’t get to know a person through texting. Jason bluntly understands 
 that the woman may have a busy schedule and that it can take a few hours to 
 respond even a couple days later depending how caught up in her life she 
 is. However, if it takes more than a couple days then he has developed that 
 “I don’t give a shit” attitude. Jason simply felt if she didn’t 
 answer his text when he asked her out, he’s not calling because she got 
 the text message.  In his words, “she obviously didn’t want to go 
 out”. Jason states he isn’t going to waste his time if she is not 
 interested, “it’s like chasing my tail if I know where it’s at”. 
 Now, if Jason gets an instant text back from so-called potential lady 
 interest then he sees possible attention on her part. From there, he goes 
 with what he knows and takes it after that slowly getting to know her. He 
 doesn’t see something wrong with the chic contacting first, he sees more 
 to it as putting the ball in her court to show she is interested. He never 
 sees timing as desperate, to Jason it’s her actions and how she presents 
 herself. In general, Jason added most women he knows as female friends, 
 he’s learn they want to fuck, they don’t want a liar, they want a 
 friend with benefits, or whatever other names they are calling it nowadays. 
 In reality, he doesn’t think most people are honest with themselves and 
 others around them about dating and relationships. Bottom line, “nobody 
 knows what they want”. I feel your frustration, buddy.\n\nDan has had 
 yes’ and no’s in response to text dating; he doesn’t see a problem 
 with it. He takes the first step in asking a woman out; he never asks or 
 gives a woman his number to call him. Dan saw it a bit differently, she can 
 be busy and take time to respond and if she does when she does he takes it 
 she’s interested. He will only keep her number for a week and if he 
 hasn’t heard a peep or a response . . . one thing is happening and he is 
 deleting her number from his contacts. On the other hand, Dan didn’t see 
 anything wrong with quick responses or that is desperate it’s simply she 
 has free time on her hands. With short notices planning, he doesn’t like 
 it at all when it’s done last minute. According to Dan, it shows she’s 
 inconsiderate. Who can argue with him on that one, I don’t like it 
 either; although, I have done it once or twice in my past, 
 Guilty.\n\nG-money on the other hand never asked a girl out on a date via 
 text message. He prefers face to face or phone call communication. He finds 
 texting to be part of adapting with the whole joneses, it’s convenient 
 for communication. He really doesn’t have anything negative nor positive 
 thoughts on it, just that it is part of today’s society. Once G$ puts on 
 his A-game, he strides in with a ‘4 strikes you’re out’ strategy 
 plan. He has the woman’s number, he will call twice considered the first 
 two strikes if no responses then he will shoot a text to nudge her on the 
 third attempt. After that he will try again with a last fourth contact 
 which is considered as his third call outreach, he does take into 
 consideration she could be getting the messages and gives her the benefit 
 of the doubt that she’s just busy. He mentions it has taken himself a 
 little while to return calls/text messages about a week later, as a person 
 you never know what’s going on in a person’s life. On the other hand, 
 if she still doesn’t answer or respond, point blank she isn’t 
 interested. G-money doesn’t take it personal if he doesn’t receive a 
 response. He sees it that he is considered most women’s type but knows 
 that he can’t be every woman’s type. When asked about women playing 
 hard to get, G$ claims women can play a lot of games.  He sees that most 
 women will make a man work and play hard to get but with today’s ways of 
 thinking, he also sees many women who are “thirsty” (blunt and 
 aggressive) and know what they want. Now, he doesn’t see quick responses 
 or last minute outings to him asking as to be desperate but G$ says it’s 
 all just reading into behavior and tone from a woman. He says there has 
 been a time he may ask a girl out after running errands and getting a fresh 
 cut, he may later look in the mirror and say, “Damn you looking fine as 
 hell, you need to do this tonight”. He will call a ‘potential 
 interest’ up and see what’s up with her if she doesn’t have any 
 plans, if not then great they will just be two good looking out enjoying a 
 night together. Now, if she is hyper responsive and coming at you with 
 “OMG LIKE YEA YEA.” G-money shares a story where one young lady he met 
 at the club and they were going to swap numbers, he hands her his cell 
 number for her to put in her contact number to save. However, Lady-love 
 pulled a slick move on dear G$ and called her phone with his phone so she 
 would have his number. Not even after thirty minutes after leaving the 
 club, Lady-love was struck by Cupid and blowing up G$’s cell phone 
 repeatedly. In the words of my dear friend G$, “Yeah that is desperate as 
 fuck.” So ladies, please make a note not to act like that ever.\n\nI 
 questioned in regards what goes through a man’s mind when his date steps 
 out smoking hot and he is standing there dressed casually in jeans and a 
 tee. Are you wondering if she dresses like this for other guys, do you feel 
 underdressed, or like you have to win her over and pursue her before 
 someone else does? This answer is for all the ladies out there who think a 
 guy is sweating you or stroking your own ego that he is worried how hot you 
 are. Amazingly, all five of the men answered the same. All five men 
 expressed how they have confidence that they are not under-dressed or 
 worried about if she dresses like that for other guys. Rich relates this 
 through, “High School Musical, it’s like the girl who is fabulous 
 dressed but her personality is off-handled. The clothes don’t make her 
 but it shows she cares about how she looks yet it can also back-fire and be 
 dangerous if she’s cocky and high-maintenance”. Yea, I am still at the 
 beginning of this question-response in beginning to relation to the kid 
 program ‘High School Musical’. John states, “Look at his arms and 
 body, he looks good in jeans and short sleeve shirt no matter what. That he 
 doesn’t feel he has to pursue her, he will get her attention but if she 
 wants to go somewhere else, he isn’t going to be in a pissing contest 
 with other guys”. Jason feels he is confident and will feel underdressed 
 for a split second then he will get over it. He also brings up how he sees 
 it that ‘women dress up for everything and clothes are not what is going 
 to seal the deal’ (the connection). Dan’s response is more along the 
 line of “Dammmnnnn but he has enough confident and it wouldn’t bother 
 him if she dresses like that for other men.” Now, G$ is too confident and 
 is into fashion, he is going to be fresh on a date. Women like confidence 
 and he’s not worried how she dresses for other dates. Ladies, there you 
 have it’s great to dress hot and have your level of confidence on blast 
 but don’t think for one second at all he is stressing how hot you are for 
 others or intimidated by it. More than likely, just as confident as you are 
 — so is he. Unless he has some serious self-issues, insecurities, or 
 control issues; according to G$ whom wanted shared his sincerity concern on 
 this topic, “if a man is having self-issues he needs to deal with that 
 will mess up a relationship. You have to learn how to read a person and pay 
 attention”.\n\nMy last question was optional and directed more towards my 
 own self-purposes as a person, friend, ex-intimate whatever, dater, peer, 
 etc.; what are their personal opinions, good/bad, turnoffs, likings, etc. 
 about me? Trust me, during all interviews I heard it all, which I thank for 
 their honesty from I am a fantastic great catch, attentive, funny, caring, 
 self-less, hard to find personality, turned off by how I don’t like to 
 hang out much and I call it an early night, I threw one guy off with after 
 text how ‘I shouldn’t have done this’, ‘nice ass he wouldn’t mind 
 tapping again but whatever I wasn’t his type to pursue a relationship 
 with anyways’ (guess which one that came from), ‘too nice’, ‘which 
 border did I cross over and how; because I’m a fantastic person but 
 seriously he wouldn’t mind boning me one day’, ‘I will eventually 
 find my lucky guy and he will definitely have his hands full but I am a 
 great catch’, to ‘driven and strong dedication’. My reason being for 
 this last and meaningful question about me was to show ladies out there in 
 order to live and learn; you have to be willing through your own 
 experiences to meet Mr. Right. We may have to put up with living our own 
 tales to tell. The only person to draw that boundary of your own 
 preferences and red-flags to know what we want in life is YOU. If you want 
 to look for advice through a book that is great and awe-inspiring exercise 
 for the brain; however, you have to let your hair down a little and get out 
 there. Don’t sit at home wondering, depending on a book, on other’s red 
 flags, or whining, “Why haven’t I met him—get up and do something 
 about it. Learn through your own eyes.”\n\nI personally would like to 
 thank the five men who all cooperated and were kind enough to answer my 
 questions for this article. You guys are phenomenal even if we only mounted 
 to sex and nothing more . . . winks.\n\n(As a side note reminder and 
 precautionary, remember during this adventure don’t put up with bullshit 
 or any form of abuse either. Think smart, be safe, wear condoms, get 
 checked regularly at doctors because mishaps can happen, and if at any 
 point if you are experiencing abuse please seek an immediate women advocacy 
 for help to get out.)\r\nSource: 
 https://nourriciers.tierslieux.net/?BoysTalk
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