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There was something else inside myself I was starting to become aware of. It seemed like I was often iterating back and forth between wrong courses of actions, either overdoing or underdoing things. I was determined to overcome that.
After the Tracy incident things at the university bar wound down a bit for the year. There were a few more isolated incidents where I would make out with a girl and then she would flake or I wouldn't bother closing her because I felt it would be a waste of time. That sort of thing. There was one particular incident where I chatted with these two girls in a line up and we got on well but when I asked for their email they got a look on their face and said "who cares" to each other, just loud enough for me to hear. They still gave me their email but it was awkward. No doubt it must have come across as desperate to go for a close under those circumstances, given that we were just talking in the line up and killing time. And it wasn't helping any that the line up wasn't moving any faster at that point.
As for Brenda, my girlfriend, things got more serious between us and we were "officially" in a relationship. She told me that she made me exclusive in her life. I told her (choosing my words carefully) that I was still going out to the clubs to meet people, but I really enjoyed her company and wanted to continue to hang out. Not a lie but not the complete truth, as she took it to mean that I was still going out to meet people and be social (but with no sex). But I was trying to imply (politely) that sex was indeed part of that, or at least not something that should be ruled out. She did say once that she was a bit naive at times
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